A Guide to Happiness

A few days ago, as I was talking with a fellow classmate, we came across an intriguing topic: HAPPINESS.

We both asked each other how we were doing and I answered with my usual: “I am doing” -good is not to be implied- and, she answered back that she was fine, happy even. I was quite taken aback by her answer as we are both studying for a quite challenging and demanding degree, that tends to leave small space for personal development or happiness altogether. Yet, she was almost beaming with joy, smile and all. I laughingly asked her what made her that happy, what is the recent event that could bring such content, and again she said nothing peculiar. Just the normal things. She called it being happy by default: as long as there is nothing to be unhappy for, then she would be happy.

For someone like me who is unhappy by default (meaning needing a reason to be happy) or more accurately, indifferent by default, that kind of child-like optimism was almost choking. How can that be possible to just be happy like that, without purpose or cause? It is all too FOREIGN and easy.

I did not have the occasion of asking her what was the secret to her apparent bliss, since we had to return to class. So in ignorance, I remained.

Although I did not, yet, ask her, I think it would be good to establish a few rules for myself in order to get something from this conduct.

1.   Do not think of Yesterday

I think a problem that most people have is that they are stuck in the yesterday and the maybe’s. I am guilty of that too, I am a professional overthinker. I live in the multiverse, alternative realities, I know. Nevertheless, re-making the world does not help anyone, never. It just leaves you in a loophole of considerations that do not have to be. So leave the past behind, where it belongs and let go of its burdens.

2.   Do not stay alone

This one is going to be sad, but as lonely as you might feel, you do not want to circle deeper into the pit of loneliness. So surround yourself with love, companions, friends or just other humans. Even if you feel lonely with people, you do not want to be alone. And thus more lonely.

3.   Breathe & Think

When a bad day occurs, it is so very tempting to let yourself despair and think that everything is dark and sad. Yet, it is rarely the case, even the saddest most depressing of days might have had its tiny ray of sunshine. Whether it is something you accomplished, something you saw or sensed. Take notice of that little thing, hold onto it, let it become your sunshine, and chase the clouds away.

4.   Trust the Path ahead

And in this, I do not mean that everything is going to be fine or that sun always comes after the rain -or other inspirational on-sense-, but more than that things do change over time. So trust that you will be in a different place at some point. Not better or worse, just different. And that you should be ready for it.

5.   Choose to be Happy

I always hated people who say that “Happiness is really just a state of mind”, “You just have to choose contentment over resentment to be happy”, and as hurtful and invalidating to whatever you currently feel or experience, it holds some part of truth. At the end of the day, when you are faced with the trade-off between smile or frown, it is only between you and yourself. Whatever the circumstances you are in, you can always -unless statistical outliers- choose to smile tomorrow.

So these are the rules I have laid down for myself. I will try to tackle a different one every day and see how I feel after some weeks. I am willing to recognise that change does take some time and that I might never really heal -character or otherwise- from my unhappiness by default, but I hope I might learn to appreciate the little joys to be less unhappy in general. Especially when times are hard.